The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week


The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

Ladies bear with me I haven't slept enough this week but if we hide all the guns in our vaginas, Congress will HAVE to regulate them!!!

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell)

"I'd like to buy a gun"
"Here ya go!"

"I'd like to buy a Claritin."
"Ok, I need your name, photo ID, signature, fingerprint, lock of hair,

— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck)

I need 70 cocktails 40 xanax, sex, a spa, a massage, medical marijuana, a bath, an IV, a manicure, a cupcake and a hug

— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny)

At this point, no matter what movie Liam Neeson is in, I worry one of his family members will be kidnapped

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin)

i'm sorry, but one of my small joys in life is calling it Rick & Marty.

— Caitlin Van Horn (@HelloCVH)

[in Obama voice] let me be perfectly clear: we all used AIM to have cybersex and thats about it

— Ej Dickson (@ejdickson)

[Cam Newton voice]
It's funny to hear a male politician talk about uteruses like, it's funny.

— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt)

Should I download Bumble? Everyone keep recommending it to me. Caveat: I hate men.

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs)

what if we tell the GOP that birth control is like a tiny little gun that protects our uterus

— Geraldine (@everywhereist)

it’s a well-known fact that any man who was alive during the 60s is physiologically incapable of *not* asking women to watch him shower

— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg)

y'all i ran out of paper towels today and I swear, for a brief moment, I wished Trump would show up and toss a roll into the kitchen.

— Hend Amry (@LibyaLiberty)

I’m dying. My mom bought this book for my 6 year old and I just called to ask if she had actually opened the book. She hadn’t. ‚‚‚‚

— tiffany (@Tiffany1985B)

My friend who doesn't use Twitter just asked "What do you mean 'drag him'?" and I have never longed for my own past in quite this way.

— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey)

HBO doc night. Beware of Slendernan. Slenderman??? creepypasta??? *puts Luna back in uterus*

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen)

It's been a hard week. In search of ice cream.

— Karen Attiah (@KarenAttiah)
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