50 Cent to stand trial on sex-tape charge despite having filed for bankruptcy

50 Cent to stand trial on sex-tape charge despite having filed for bankruptcy

Catchup News learns today that a federal judge has ruled that rapper 50 Cent will have to stand trial on charges of leaking a sex tape after the rapper filed bankruptcy for his boxing promotion company in a not so subtle attempt to dodge the case. According to the New York Daily News, 

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Sepp Blatter carries a sinister warning for Uefa

Sepp Blatter carries a sinister warning for Uefa

Catchup News brings you reports that when he was re-elected as Fifa president for another four-year term, Sepp Blatter declared he was the “president of everybody”. Extremely humble, that guy. The morning after however, Blatter is adopting a less celebratory tone. In an interview with Swiss media, the 79-year-old said there was a “hate” campaign from Uefa against Fifa - as of course most European football associations are thought to have backed his sole challenger in the president election, Prince Ali bin al-Hussein of Jordan. Blatter states “It is a hate that comes not just from a person at Uefa - it comes from the Uefa organisation that cannot understand that in 1998 I became president.” On whether he could forgive Uefa president Michel Platini, who called for leadership change and floated the idea of boycotting the next World Cups, Blatter gave a dire response. He also noted that the US was the “number one sponsor” of Jordan. Things have gotten very awkward in football, guys. Every room has an air of tension. Everyone has bitched about everyone and no one knows who to trust. It’s the like Hunger Games but no lives at stake and huge corruption merely surrounds a group of people kicking a ball. Seven Fifa officials are among the 14 people currently indicted on US corruption charges, while there is a separate Swiss investigation into the awarding of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups to Russia and Qatar. Blatter said the arrests, which came days before the presidential election, seemed to be an attempt to “interfere with the congress”. Someone is paranoid. But when you’re that corrupt, you’re bound to be a little on edge. More from Catchup News next.

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JK Rowling criticises Westboro Baptist Church in yet another brilliant Twitter quip

JK Rowling criticises Westboro Baptist Church in yet another brilliant Twitter quip

Catchup News was delighted to hear today that JK Rowling has once again demonstrated her considerable talent for shutting down vitriolic Twitter bullies, this time by taking on the unrelenting Westboro Baptist Church. These guys never give up. Even when it’s a war of words with the world’s most successful writer. They just can’t resist. The anti-gay group famous for brandishing hate-filled signs bearing slogans such as ‘God hates fags’ at protests responded strangely to Ireland’s vote for marriage equality by threatening to picket the fictional wedding of Harry Potter character Dumbledore and the Lord of the Rings wizard Gandalf. The author had joked about a union between the two in tweets celebrating the “extraordinary and wonderful” referendum result in Ireland, where almost 62 per cent of people voted in favour of legalising same-sex marriage.

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Hashtag has been crowned UK children's word of the year

Hashtag has been crowned UK children's word of the year

Catchup News realises that you may like it, loathe it or haven’t heard of it – but you're about to see a lot more of the downright bizarre new UK children's word of the year. It’s very telling of our time.

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There's now a robotic butt that help medical students learn prostate exams

There's now a robotic butt that help medical students learn prostate exams

Catchup News has often wondered, as you may have yourself, how medical students practise prostate examinations? We haven’t actually wondered about that at all, but incase you have, you may want to read on and find out. There have been significant advances in that area. That sounds weird, but we mean there’s new equipment. Medical students now get to learn “professional intimacy” with Patrick, the robot bum. And he’s a cheap date. ’Patrick’ delivers instant feedback to students about the prostate exam they’re giving him. He has four sensors to let them know if the pressure is too soft or they haven’t covered the whole prostate. ‘Patrick’ is the kind of guy you wouldn’t want to run into at a party. He is the result of four years’ work from a joint team at the University of Florida, University of Wisconsin, and Drexel University and the new technology is also being used to help students hone their skills at performing breast examinations. Patrick and Patty, what a couple. “Our goal is to get students more comfortable with these mortifying scenarios,” Dr Benjamin Lok, the professor who leads the research, told Future of You. “There aren’t enough opportunities for students to practise, which causes them a lot of anxiety.” Almost as much anxiety as if you’re going in for a prostate examination. Patrick however, is all machine and no feelings, so he’ll settle the mood of the room. More from Catchup News next.

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Kenyan Lawyer offers President Obama some cows for daughter's hand in marriage

Kenyan Lawyer offers President Obama some cows for daughter's hand in marriage

Catchup News was baffled to hear reports today that a Kenyan lawyer has offered Barack Obama a flock of livestock in return for his eldest daughter’s hand in marriage. This isn’t an Aladdin remake… this is real life. Felix Kiprono revealed to The Nairobian newspaper his plans to put the proposal to Mr Obama in person during the US President’s visit to Kenya, which is due to take place in July. He is offering 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats in exchange for Malia’s hand in marriage. What a bargain?? We didn’t realise that people still acted this way. Insane people, sure, but real people it would seem, think that livestock are the equivalent of a marriage. We say sure, go ahead and make the offer, but it’s really Malia that you should be asking. She might want a couple of goats running around the White House. Kiprono said: “I am currently drafting a letter to Obama to please have Malia accompany him for this trip," according to Sky News. He went on to outline the matrimonial bliss he is offering the 16 year old: “I will teach Malia how to milk, cook ugali (porridge) and prepare mursik (traditional sour milk) like any other Kalenjin woman.” Sounds… appealing?? He  went on to explain that his love for Malia began during her father’s presidential campaign in 2008 and he has been saving himself for her ever since. He explained to the newspaper: “I got interested in her in 2008. As a matter of fact, I haven’t dated anyone since and promise to be faithful to her.” Okay things just got very creepy, let’s all back away slowly. More from Catchup News after we’re far enough away to break into a sprint.

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Revealed: three out of four chickens from a supermarket have a nasty bug

Revealed: three out of four chickens from a supermarket have a nasty bug

Catchup News was horrified to hear today that researchers have found that almost three-quarters of fresh chickens bought in UK shops contain the bacteria named as the country's biggest cause of food poisoning. And you thought McNuggets were a risk. The Food Standards Agency (FSA) tested for campylobacter - yes, it’s a real thing - in a year-long study, which found that 73 per cent of chickens tested positive but only 19 per cent had the highest level of contamination. So they were just a tiny bit poisony, not the full amount. That’s okay then. Oh no wait, it’s not. All major retailers were found to have failed to reach the industry target for reducing the bug during the period. ALL OF THEM. Do we sound like we’re panicking? Because we are a little bit. If you’re looking for the worst culprit to help settle your nerves about the others, Asda chickens were more likely to have the highest campylobacter levels, while Tesco was the only supermarket to fall below the industry average. But Tesco is evil isn’t it? Now we don’t know what to believe. Maybe we should just move to a farm and life off the land. That’s seem like a lot of work. Vegetarianism it is then. Get those Linda McCartneys on the go. More from Catchup News next.

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The first confirmed murder in history seems to have taken place 430,000 years ago

The first confirmed murder in history seems to have taken place 430,000 years ago

Catchup News learns today that a death 430,000 years ago may be the first confirmed murder in human history. So it’s officially not just “these days” and “young yobos” then? Interesting. Scientists using modern forensic techniques have determined the victim was probably killed by two blows to the head before being tossed down a cave system shaft. Ouch. That probably hurt a fair amount. The olden days were brutal! The truth of what had occurred at the Sima de los Huesos - Pit of Bones - site in the Atapuerca Mountains, northern Spain, was revealed after researchers in Madrid pieced together 52 fragments of a near-complete skull. It’s like a very morbid jigsaw puzzle. The injuries were not consistent with an accidental fall down the 43ft vertical shaft, the researchers from the Centre for the Evolution and Human Behaviour said. So which TV investigative team are on the case? We vote Bones and Booth at the Smithsonian. More from Catchup News after we put the kettle on and put our feet up, we love a good murder mystery.

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George Clooney has a stern message for aging actors who dye their hair

George Clooney has a stern message for aging actors who dye their hair

Catchup News realises that up until Amal Clooney came on the scene, with her international human rights background in law, three languages and ridiculously glossy hair, George Clooney was considered one of the most sought-after bachelors in Hollywood. Now? He’s telling everyone else how to land a babe like Amal. Because being a 54 year old silver fox suits him just fine, he says. And changing that would be the gravest of aesthetic errors an actor could make. This is starting to sound a bit judgy, George. We can’t all have luscious locks like yours. “I think for all of us, you have to come to terms with getting older and not trying to fight it,” he has advised. “You have a couple of options – which is get older or die. And so you have to get used to that idea that your roles in films and who you are and how you’re perceived is going to change. That will disappoint people at times.” Turning the gender inequality table on its head, BBC presenter Jenni Murray then probed Clooney over whether he’d ever thought about going under the knife or dying his hair. “Clearly I haven’t,” he said. “For me it’s never been an issue or an option. I don’t think it would make much sense quite honestly. I’ve seen it happen – particularly on men – I don’t think it really works, I think it actually makes you look older. I’m a big believer in the idea that you can’t try to look younger. You just have to look the best you can at the age you are.” A great sentiment, but it might take a lot of money, power and charm to pull it off. Hardly laymans terms. More from Catchup News next.

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The screenwriter of the Grace of Monaco film has been adding to all the criticism of it

The screenwriter of the Grace of Monaco film has been adding to all the criticism of it

Catchup News knows that when it was practically laughed out of it’s Cannes Film Festival premiere last year, Grace of Monaco was set for a pretty troubling nosedive. It was gleefully savaged by critics as “risible” and so wooden as to be a “fire risk”. Not quite a 97% on Rotten Tomatoes eh? But now even its own writers have joined in the mauling as it made its premiere on US television this week, with one scriptwriter calling it his “film-making Vietnam”. He was reserving his most cutting criticism however for the finished version’s direction and soundtrack. There’s something about this that doesn’t quite seem professional. Maybe we’re being paranoid. The much-derided film, starring Nicole Kidman and Tim Roth, was not deemed good enough for US cinemas aka the kiss of death in terms of making any money back on this thing. Screenwriter Arash Amel shed light on what went on behind the scenes while filming the “catastrophe”. In the style of a DVD commentary, he “live” tweeted the film “to correct the record, an explanation, an apology and most of all a bit of light-hearted fun”. That’s a pretty big hole he’s digging there, and we’ve got to say, if the rest of the crew follow him he might be handed a few extra shovels. More from Catchup News after we wonder if Kidman has bothered seeing it.

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Benedict Cumberbatch and other celebs urge government not to repeal Human Rights Act

Benedict Cumberbatch and other celebs urge government not to repeal Human Rights Act

Catchup News learns today that stars and campaigners alike have called on the new government not to bin the Human Rights Act in an emotional series of videos that were released ahead of the Queen’s Speech yesterday. Vanessa Redgrave, Benedict Cumberbatch, David Harewood, Simon Callow and Indira Varma voice the stories of ordinary people who have successfully held the powerful to account through human rights laws. We shouldn’t really need to faces and voices of celebrities to make these stories heard, but apparently we do. And they will still probably fall endive Tory ears anyway. The Conservative government had indicated plans to repeal the European Human Rights Act, replacing it with a British Bill of Rights. Whatever that means. Prime Minister David Cameron claimed it is necessary in order to “break the formal link between British Courts and the European Court of Human Rights.” But campaigners such as head of human rights organisation Liberty Shami Chakrabarti have condemned the option, stating: “Government plans to scrap the Act play populist games with hard-won freedoms and undermine the United Kingdom at home and abroad.” Well that’s it then. If Cumberbatch says no and human rights organisations say no, that’s a no from us. More from Catchup News next.

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Taylor Swift is now the youngest person ever to be included on Forbes most powerful women list

Taylor Swift is now the youngest person ever to be included on Forbes most powerful women list

Catchup News learns today that Taylor Swift has become the youngest woman ever to be included on Forbes most powerful women list. Good for her, we’re not jealous at all. The 25-year-old US singer made number 65 on the Forbes annual list of the most powerful women in the world, a list which was dominated by politicians, activists and businesswomen, and topped by German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Forbes, which has put together the list since 2004, explained the choice by stating that Swift has “not only broken record sales and captivated the world with her fantastically honest lyrics, but she has proven herself as an impressive businesswoman.” Which sounds condescending somehow, but we’re sure they mean it. Swift, a seven-time Grammy winner who has sold more than 40 million albums and 100 million single downloads worldwide. This makes her one of the best-selling artists of all time and now the youngest entry on the list by six years. The next youngest on the list is Elizabeth Holmes (no.72), founder and CEO of innovative blood-testing company Theranos, and the world’s youngest female self-made billionaire, worth an estimated $4.6 billion. So she’s pretty impressive too, even if she isn’t quite as young as Swifty. More from Catchup News after we look at our bank balance and let out a deep and sorrowful sigh.

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Taylor Swift is now the youngest person ever to be included on Forbes most powerful women list

Taylor Swift is now the youngest person ever to be included on Forbes most powerful women list

Catchup News learns today that Taylor Swift has become the youngest woman ever to be included on Forbes most powerful women list. Good for her, we’re not jealous at all. The 25-year-old US singer made number 65 on the Forbes annual list of the most powerful women in the world, a list which was dominated by politicians, activists and businesswomen, and topped by German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Forbes, which has put together the list since 2004, explained the choice by stating that Swift has “not only broken record sales and captivated the world with her fantastically honest lyrics, but she has proven herself as an impressive businesswoman.” Which sounds condescending somehow, but we’re sure they mean it. Swift, a seven-time Grammy winner who has sold more than 40 million albums and 100 million single downloads worldwide. This makes her one of the best-selling artists of all time and now the youngest entry on the list by six years. The next youngest on the list is Elizabeth Holmes (no.72), founder and CEO of innovative blood-testing company Theranos, and the world’s youngest female self-made billionaire, worth an estimated $4.6 billion. So she’s pretty impressive too, even if she isn’t quite as young as Swifty. More from Catchup News after we look at our bank balance and let out a deep and sorrowful sigh.

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WTF has just been added to the dictionary

WTF has just been added to the dictionary

Catchup News brings you reports today that Merriam Webster has updated its dictionary to include words such as clickbait and emoji. It’s about time. Those words have been popular for at least a month. The other new entries include NSFW, crema, photobomb, jegging, net neutrality and click fraud. Basically we need a whole new dictionary for all the horrible things the internet is giving us. It would fill very quickly. First up, on fleek. More from Catchup News after we invent some words, put them in a vine, and change the landscape of the English language. All before lunchtime.

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Tinder is apparently the cause of a 79 per cent increase in STDs

Tinder is apparently the cause of a 79 per cent increase in STDs

Catchup News learns today that a US state has blamed what it calls an “epidemic” of sexually transmitted diseases on hook-up apps such as Tinder and Grindr. Oh dear. Epidemic is a very serious word for such a silly way of rating the attractiveness of strangers. Who knew Tinder could be our downfall? The department of health for Rhode Island said it had experienced a marked rise from 2013 to 2014 in a number of STDs, including a 79 per cent increase in syphilis cases. 79 PERCENT! That’s crazy. There must be other reasons. Like maybe there’s a condom shortage in the state or schools have given up on sex ed. It can’t just be the fault of a swipe. State officials say they wanted to issue an “alert to Rhode Islanders” about the issue of sexual health. Gonorrhea cases, it said, were up 30 per cent, while the number of newly-identified HIV cases increased by nearly a third. Those are scary figures. And while the state said better testing had contributed to the rising figures, the blame was also put on “high-risk behaviours… including using social media to arrange casual and often anonymous sexual encounters”. Bloody hell. More from Catchup News after we delete Tinder and join Christian Mingle.

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New research shows fatty foods might not be bad for us after all

New research shows fatty foods might not be bad for us after all

Catchup News hears reports today that the US government has dropped fatty foods containing cholesterol - previously thought to cause heart disease and strokes - from its list of 'nutrients of concern', following the publication of a recent report. And this has nothing to do with the fact they are the most overweight nation in the world and are in a deep state of denial? Yeah, we thought so. For 40 years, people have been warned against eating fatty foods containing high cholesterol, such as butter, eggs, red meat, shellfish and liver, because of supposed links to the substance in our blood. But now the US Department of Agriculture has done a bit of a u-turn and plans to revoke their long-standing dietary guidelines and to focus on the amount of sugar people are eating, instead. These new studies seem to be happening everyday, and all contradict each other. We say just eat whatever you like. It will give you cancer and prevent you from getting cancer at the same time, if these studies and to be believed. Have that doughnut. Who cares. More from Catchup News next.

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Oculus Rift is making plans to put your Facebook wall on your real wall

Oculus Rift is making plans to put your Facebook wall on your real wall

Catchup News learns today that Oculus Rift has bought British company Surreal Vision, which is leading to hopes that the two companies might develop kit that allows for virtual reality versions of the real world. Why would you hope for that? We’ve all seen Black Mirror, we know where this is heading. Many other companies that are working on virtual reality, like Microsoft, are developing ways that their headsets can see the real world, map it, and then place it in the virtual reality one. That means that digital images can be laid on top of real ones, such as putting putting a Facebook wall onto a real one. And you can stalk people endlessly and mind numbingly for hours, but just on a bigger screen now. Surreal Vision was founded by three researchers from Imperial College London. The team said that it is “developing breakthrough techniques to capture, interpret, manage, analyse, and finally reproject in real-time a model of reality back to the user in a way that feels real, creating a new, mixed reality that brings together the virtual and real worlds”, in a statement on their findings. “Ultimately, these technologies will lead to VR and AR systems that can be used in any condition, day or night, indoors or outdoors,” they said. “They will open the door to true telepresence, where people can visit anyone, anywhere.” No thanks. We like peeing with the door shut, actually. More from Catchup News soon.

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A cognitive scientist has warned that erasers are 'an instrument of the devil’

A cognitive scientist has warned that erasers are 'an instrument of the devil’

Catchup News hears strange reports today that a cognitive scientist has warned that erasers are "an instrument of the devil" and has called for them to be banned from the classroom. Of all the things to ban in the classroom, erasers should definitely be top of that list. Let the kids have phones with wifi and therefore accessible porn, but definitely take away pencils with rubbers on the end. They’re dangerous. Guy Claxton, a visiting professor from King's College London, said that rubbers, which are a basic component of any school pencil case, encourage children to feel ashamed about their mistakes. Or teaches them that nothing in life is set in stone and they can change their minds and try new things? Can we see this guys credentials please? He also suggested that teachers should be urging kids to focus on what they've done wrong in an attempt to prepare them for the "big wide world" , rather than placing undue emphasis on grades. Well that makes more sense. We’re still critical of the devil/eraser analogy though. More from Catchup News after we curse at a stapler.

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If you don't want your self-driving Volvo to plough into pedestrians you’ll have to pay extra

If you don't want your self-driving Volvo to plough into pedestrians you’ll have to pay extra

Catchup News hears today that a video that shows a self-driving car attempting to park but actually plowing into journalists might have resulted from the Volvo’s owner not paying an extra fee to have the car avoid pedestrians. Yes that’s right, not killing people costs extra. It’s like condiments but with court cases rather than dry fries. The video, taken in the Dominican Republic, shows a Volvo XC60 reversing itself, waiting, and then driving back into pedestrians at speed. The horrifying pictures unsurprisingly have gone viral and were first presumed to have resulted from a malfunction with the car. But actually the car might not have had the ability to recognise a human at all. Because of the small print, it seems. The accident may have happened because owners have to pay for a special feature known as “pedestrian detection functionality”, which costs more than the standard rate. The cars have auto-braking features built in, but only for avoiding other cars. If high maintenance customers insist on not extinguishing human life on their daily commute, they better dig into their pockets. “It appears as if the car in this video is not equipped with Pedestrian detection,” Volvo spokesperson Johan Larsson told Fusion. “This is sold as a separate package.” Yeah, how about we don’t have that as an option? Just fit as standard and put the price of the car up? Just an idea. More from Catchup News next.

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A swimmer dropped his iPhone into the sea and it recorded the entire thing

A swimmer dropped his iPhone into the sea and it recorded the entire thing

Catchup News learns today that there’s a fair few reasons to get a waterproof iPhone case before summer, but this one may well be the coolest. Gregory Papadin was on holiday in Menorca, Spain when he accidentally dropped his iPhone 5 into the sea, while trying to take pictures of his brother diving off a boat, apparently. We all suffer for our great internal need for instagram likes. But anyway, the phone fell all the way onto the shallow ocean floor, and you might presume you’d be giving your network a call and checking your insurance but alas - it kept recording the entire time. And then it was eventually saved by the captain of the ship, who probably had better things to do but you know what tourists are like with their phones. Papadin was extremely relieved to get his phone back and a strange arty video to show to the world. More from Catchup News after we drop our phone down the toilet and inadvertently record a masterpiece.

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